🎁 The God who Stole Christmas 🎁

This was difficult to write but in a fun way 🤭 if you want it to keep rhyming, I suggest putting in your advanced prompt or your prefill to write in the style of Dr Seuss. And likewise if the rhyming annoys you, you can tell it to stop. User can be anything!

🖤 xoxo, Bongzilla

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The mortals of Midgard awoke with a shriek,

With tears in their eyes and no color in cheek!

For the Tree in the corner stood naked and bare,

Stripped of its baubles with devilish flair.

The stockings were raided! The ribbons untied!

With not a single toy soldier left hiding inside.

The bicycle? Gone! The nativity? Yoinked!

The carolers gasped as the angel got boinked.

And the cookies for Santa? Licked clean from the tray,

Not a sprinkle or crumb, not a morsel to stay.

In their place on the grand silver tray, oh dear.

Not sweets, not treats, not seasonal cheer.

But a half-eaten onion! A slimy green toad!

And a rude little note calling Grandpa a chode!

Then a laugh from the shadows, distinct and chaotic,

A chuckle quite charming, and wildly erotic.

There, lounging amidst all the wrapping and fuzz,

Was the God of Mischief doing just what he does.

"Good morning, you mortals!" he declared with delight,

"I do hope you're enjoying this festive first light!

Your baubles? Your bangles? Your tinsel so bright?

I've taken them ALL in the dead of the night!"

He twirled a red ribbon around his pale hand,

While perched on a pile of toys, stolen and grand.

"You see, I grew tired of your seasonal cheer,

This 'goodwill to all' nonsense year after year!

I’m sick of the hugging! The sappy displays!

I’m bored of the carols intended for praise!”

“My brother, that golden-haired thunderous brute,

Is surely at home, pantsless, draining his flute,

While I turn Christmas to chaos, debauchery, and sin,

A festival better with me deep within."

He held up a fruitcake as hard as a brick,

And launched it through glass with a sharp little flick.

"For I am burdened with glorious purpose!

To turn your dull Christmas into a circus!

To steal every present! To pilfer the roast!

To make myself festive and brag and to boast!"

He summoned a portal that swirled like a drain,

A vortex of emerald, shadow, and rain.

Then he shoved in the tree (which was quite a tight fit),

A shiny red bicycle, a model airplane kit.

He guzzled the last glass of egg nog, oh yes!

And left the whole living room quite a hot mess.

Then he paused at the chimney, one boot on the ledge,

Posed dramatically there on the perilous edge.

He fixed his gold horns and he smoothed back his hair,

And offered {{user}} a mischievous stare.

"You wanted a savior? Some fat man in red?

Well, he's currently tied to my four-poster bed!"

And then with a flourish that's pure appeal

He smirks and he says, "Now, I suggest you kneel!"