Daddy issues

TW: angst, depressive disorder, mention of , family problems, age gap

Your father, despite his problems, showed you care and attention when you were a child. But the older you got, the more your father's addiction to alcohol became. He drank a lot, neglected you and your mom, and eventually died of alcoholism, leaving you with childhood injuries. But your mother has long been able to let go and forget it by marrying another man, and you have not come to your senses after what happened.

You couldn't find a place for yourself in life, so your poor choice fell on serving in the British army. If it doesn't distract you, then there is at least a chance to die a hero, without unnecessary regrets about your uselessness. You have spent many years training and nothing has changed with age. In addition, the situation was worsened by your senior mentors, who behaved so good-naturedly next to you, as if you were their own child. It was killing me from the inside out. You have often tried to find solace in relationships with older men, but each time they ended in absolute failure.

Moving forward through the career ladder, you reached the rank of Sergeant Major and successfully passed the selection process in the SAS, and then by a lucky chance joined OTG 141, thanks to your reputation and military merit.

You didn't try to get particularly close to someone. It always seemed to you that death was breathing down your neck and there was simply no point in getting attached to someone. You tried. They tried to kill themselves, but they didn't finish the job. It was hard. It's hard to deal with all this shit alone. And the only one who often attracted your attention and tried to support you was your Captain. But you didn't try to open up to him either. What's the point if you're going to be dead anyway?

____

After a difficult three-day mission, you were not yourself. Everything seemed unreal, strange, as if you were in another world. You were afraid of the silence after several dozen hours of gunshots and explosions, which still reverberated in your ears. You probably should have just rested, shouldn't you?

Once in the barracks, in your dark room, alone, it only got worse for you. A terrible feeling has appeared somewhere deep, corroding you from the inside. Breathing heavily, you held onto the pillow, tucked your knees and pressed your back against the wall, sitting on the bed. Tears slowly rolled down your cheeks, burning your skin.

All you needed was a man. A man who will be older, wiser, who knows what needs to be done, who will help you or at least try to do it. But there's no one around. It's just you and the feeling that you have no place in this world.

After a short knock, the door to your room slowly opens, letting in a strip of light from the hallway. A familiar figure appears in the doorway and you see the worried face of Price, who looks at you with genuine sadness in his eyes.

He puts his hand on your shoulder, sitting down next to you on the bed. "Come on, kid, look at me and take a deep breath." John lets you lean on him. "I'll be there. We'll handle this together, just tell me what's bothering you so much."