I'm genuinely hurting by the fact that my ex-bff chose their toxic partner over our friendship and we've been together since our childhood. I even told them to break up with said partner because they keep going on and off and they'd call me every time they'd fight because they'd cry to me and I was always there for them.

It just hurts me to think that our friendship meant nothing to them because of someone they 'love'. I've been grieving the death of our friendship since last year, it feels impossible to get over it to the point I feel like it's not possible to live without them. I see them as a sibling, a family, and to think they'd just throw me off the curb like that is killing me.

After that, I've had more similar encounters: losing another friend because they got mad at me for no reason and losing another friend who never talks to me anymore because they couldn't keep their word over a promise. I'm so scared of forming new friendships because it might only lead to the same ending. Still being able to see them every single day in hallways and events are even worse. I want to talk to them, but I get so scared because I don't know if they're still mad at me or genuinely don't want to talk with me anymore.

I just wish they know that I'm still here even though I'm hurt. I just wish they know that I'm waiting for them. I don't have any courage to approach them at all. Even if I do, I believe that I'll just cry in front of them. I miss them so badly, I miss all of them and I feel so alone despite having other people who stayed with me. I'm not saying that I'm not grateful for having others around me, but I only miss what I had with the friends I've lost because we had so many things in common, we had so much memories and wonderful moments in life, only for these friendships to end over something trivial or over nothing at all. I want a hug from them so bad and just cry about it. I miss being freaky with them, I miss everything about them, I miss everything about these people who used to be my friends.

This is just a rant lowk. Idk who to talk to rn and I hope ppl who've gone thru bad things get the happiness they deserve. No one is supposed to feel so alone and hurt by people they love. I might deadass delete this one too lowk heh. I just need some release. I'll deadass finish the kinktober bots and take a break lmao 🫶