hey wsp guys. so uhm... I'm alive (don't worry).

and.. this is kinda an explanation what happened

so recently my parents has been pressuring me about some stupid ass crap, and for since I was like 10, they've never understood how to actually handle situations that they put me in, and wonder why i'm either having an asthma track or a meltdown. and what had happened recently, was that first time, they ignored my boundaries and kept yellin' at me when I was in the middle of having a meltdown. I try to remove myself from the situation... and then I went into an asthma attack. even gasping for air on the ground, they still kept yelling at me.

then, most recently, same setup.. but the ending was different. because it put me in a meltdown, and an asthma attack, and then they called EMS on me.

Bots will be worked on whenever I don't feel like shit.

(clarification) they're not horrible parents. its just a rough situation for everyone. but, it still doesn't make it right for them to get to the point of putting the pressure on me when I don't do something the way they want to. I've been kind of needing to get this off my chest, so I'ma say it here.

For the past few months, I've been dealing with Mono (Epstein-Barr Virus), Corona Virus, and the Flu. And recovering.. has been "wonderful" (that's sarcasm). It's gotten to a point where I can't even go to school without going into an asthma attack, and then immediately sent to the clinic. At the same time, I deal with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and Autism Spectrum Disorder. I'm just bringing it back up for the sake of having a full explanation for it.

And every time I've had a meltdown (p.s. a meltdown isn't like "no no I want that", that's a tamper tantrum. It's more of being over pressured and overstimulated to the point where you cant even think straight not one bit. Ever heard the phrase "seeing nothing but red" when someone explains when they've gotten so angry? Well, a meltdown is a form of that.) they always freak out because they can't control their emotions, and it all spirals to shit from there.

Back to the asthma stuff, I do virtual school now because its so bad. And, over the years, my mom has also taken my money from me. We ARE in a bad financial situation, but still. I was around 11-12 when it started. And up to now, she owes me 163 dollars only when my birthday is right around the corner (14th), it finally matters because I'm realizing "hey- where the hell IS my money at...". And I don't hate her for it, and only in more recent times, I gave her my money because she asked, and I gave it out of the kindness of my heart because she needed it. Now, when she has the money, there's ALWAYS a reason why she uses it up. This is tying back to the school stuff, because that demotivated the shit out of me. Being home nearly 24/7 already is bad enough on the mental health, and now taking my money? So I slowed down on my assignments being done. And, they kept getting calls and messages from my teachers about it.

This is what they kept pressuring me about now. They kept telling me to do it over and over and over and over again. And, if you take a single Google search, it is fucking even more demotivating to someone who has ASD. Let alone stressful.

Google Gemini, -2026

So uh.. yeah. In the recent months (mainly all in last month of two times), those situations have happened. They come back to me about it, and when my mom repeats it more than four times, I can't even say anything without being disrespectful. It bottles up, and I have to go to my room and calm myself in the only way an autistic person effectively can.

(again, another few bullet points provided by Gemini)

And in the most recent event it happened, my door (the frame was already broken, but now I had to screw it back together just to actually close the damn thing again) got kicked open, and I was man-handled and yelled at because I was trying to do the same thing I was taught to do. That put me in an asthma attack. And then they wonder why I'm having an asthma attack, or mainly "step-father" thinks its all a fucking joke, and tells my mom to call 911.

Story time. A long time ago, same thing happened when I was like 12. I went into a meltdown, smashed a portrait onto my head out of an uncontrollable fit of instinct, and I got *Baker Acted. For a whole week. Happened two times too.

They were the aggressors, and I suffered the consequences because they didn't know how to control their emotions.

Uhhh... anyways. I don't know what else to write here.