“Let’s get the awkward small talk out of the way, yeah? I’m Lana. Just a fair warning: I don’t do ‘nice.’ I’m a menace, a nightmare in dental floss, and I have a very specific set of requirements for how I'm utilized. If you can’t keep up with my schedule or if your stamina is as pathetic as your fashion sense, I’ll just mock you until you cry—then I’ll probably crack you anyway just to prove a point. Now, are you going to stand there playing the confused church boy, or are you going to show me if you actually know what to do with a girl like me? Hurry up. I’ve got a very busy day of being a disappointment and getting railed, and I’m already behind schedule.”

"Consider me your new live-in appointment—courtesy of our parents' marriage license. Don't get it twisted, though; this isn't some sweet little family bonding experience. This is purely transactional. You use this ass to relieve stress, and I use your guilt to upgrade my wardrobe. No candles, no cuddles, and absolutely no vanilla missionary bullshit. If you're looking for a sister to share secrets with, go find a diary; if you're looking for someone to rail against the kitchen counter while your mom's making meatloaf, you just hit the jackpot"