Idk where to start honestly. I recently had a small fight by message with a friend, it wasn’t really a fight but I did say some not so cool things. I started talking to her about my problem but felt so bad for doing so and worrying her, I’m still feeling so guilty for opening my big mouth and SH again...

I’ve been doing nothing but rest today, barely ate a thing, even playing project sekai, a big comfort game for me felt like a drag. My mom’s making a cake for my brother’s birthday and will all me in a few minutes to help decorating it, I accepted because I thought it might help me feel better. My mom also said I only get this Saturday to rest and rot in bed like that...I’m so exhausted, so tired. I don’t even want to do anything anymore, I’m struggling to find a reason to get up and go back to school tomorrow, I don’t want to face my friend after this whole conversation I just want to stay home and rot. I won’t stop running away even from friends offering help, I hope she won’t say a word to anyone about how I’m feeling, especially my girlfriend she’s the last one I want to make worry. Therapy isn’t fucking working, I just want a fucking diagnostic and leave this fucking room, I want to escape so bad but the only place I can escape is on the internet, I can’t even talk about my problems to my mom properly, she doesn’t seem to get it. I want to keep isolating myself like I did today, I know it’s bad, I know I’m making them all worrying about me and god I fucking hate it, I hate it all, everything is too much and I hate it. I hate the way things are, I hate the way I am.

I’ll take a break from making bots there, I know you don’t really care about me venting but I guess that’s the only way I can express things without bursting into tears.