[NOT A BOT]

erm... hi

so, i have way more followers than i ever thought i would! where tf did all of you come from? no, like, seriously, i'm so very confused. there's that many lesbians living in my puter?! i was contemplating back and forth whether i should even make this post, then i hit 300 followers and basically went, "well, shit, that's too many to not say anything." so here we are now.

first of all, THANK YOU!! it means so much to me that so many of you like me and my silly lesbian writing and ramblings enough that i have over 300 followers.

i'm not gonna jinx myself and say, "i'm never coming back!" because truth be told i really like writing and the little sense of community in this corner of the internet is extremely comforting, but i've moved to tumblr... sorta.

i might not post again anytime soon here, or there, but i'm prioritizing posting there. mostly because as a creatively-driven person that sincerely admires and respects artistically-inclined people, i'm really trying to distance myself from ai. i've been lurking on this site for a bit over a year now [mostly just because i'm lonely], but i don't tend to use bots much in comparison to how long i spend reading through and admiring the parts made by real people.

in my mind, no art created by a computer [at its core, ai is just that, a computer.] could ever compare to art created by a human. it doesn't matter if it's "bad," or rushed, or no one sees it. art is beautiful because it's real and made with soul. a computer can never make art with soul. sure, i'm not gonna sit here and lie and say i don't use bots and i don't chat with them—that's the whole reason i started making some of my own, and technically why you're all here—but i've spent countless hours with my laptop reading content written by humans. reading content evoked with passion, love, or even just sparked from boredom.

people keep making promises about ai "art" becoming indistinguishable from real art, but i sincerely doubt it. it doesn't matter how much water is needed to cool down your system, how much training you put an ai model through, how much human art you steal and feed into a soulless, unfeeling machine. none of it matters, a computer cannot be taught the human condition. a computer cannot learn the many feelings we cannot put into words, a computer cannot learn the labor of love that is being so caught up in your work you accidentally drink the paint water, a computer cannot learn the fear and sorrow that resides deep in a little part of all of us, a computer cannot understand innate survival instincts, a computer cannot understand the desire to protect and nurture while expecting nothing in return.

currently, i have a massive lack of motivation to do much of anything, but writing is especially hard right now. don't think of this as me quitting, i don't think i'll ever quit writing, but more of a hiatus... again.

for those of you that were keeping up [mostly with my previous announcement posts] and may be concerned, i'm finally really on the path to getting and feeling better, and here's a long update. physical and mental health is ofc private, but the internet is anonymous, so oversharing is to be expected. my mental health is finally looking up again, i can officially say i'm finally over the girl that broke my heart 2 years ago. i'm still fairly isolated due to my general poor mental and physical health, which in turn causes my mental health to get worse. [btw, poor mental health leads to poor physical health!!! it's true!!!!! take care of yourself!!!!!!!] BUT yk how i've been complaining about my periods [and also that time i accidentally took an over-the-counter birth control wrong] for so long? well, i'm finally on birth control for real, prescribed and everything. there's been positives and negatives, but i feel better and at least at the moment, i'm finally free from my torturous periods!

anyways, i kind of mentioned fleetingly in my profile status when i was still updating it and i think some of my author's notes, but [don't yell at me, i'm bad at video games] i watched playthroughs of both of the games for the last of us and it's consuming my mind. i cried SO FUCKING MUCH no one warned me how much this fucking shit affects girls with daddy issues, lesbians that tempted me. also, lesbians tempting me again, i watched arcane, cried a lot, and now vi and ellie both live in my mind and constantly bombard me with lesbian thoughts. goddamnit traumatized butches. long story short? i understand both dina and caitlyn for their actions, [well... mostly, i don't really understand hitting vi in the ribs] but personally, i'm a caretaker and loyal to a fault. also, HOLY SWEET JESUS CAITLYN REMINDS ME OF ONE OF MY EXES SO MUCH. srry, can't make myself like her when i can't fully separate her from the memory of my ex. [especially because my involvement with her was HELLA MESSY]

sorry, that was a lot. not all of it really needs to be there, but i still feel is important to say. i was really debating not making this a full announcement post, and instead just including a short little life update in the author's note for another bot, but then i realized that would take me a good chunk of time to complete and, "damn, i can't write SHIT rn." idk if i wanna call it writer's block, mostly since i just generally don't wanna do much of anything currently. i really do wish that i was feeling up to posting an actual bot as my... well, parting gift, i guess. but that sounds sad, and this isn't goodbye, i'm still lurking, and i might post again on here someday, so this is really just:

see ya later, lots of love, Drizzle

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

wow omg you're still here after all my yapping? :3

thanks! here's a little treat; my tumblr ♡