haiii i died again :P art by dearvinestaff

if ur curious why then ! keep reading!! just know this is an explanation, not "i'm magically coming back AGAIN"

honestly i really did want to come back to jai when i said i was coming back but ngl. all my favorite creators have stopped posting or left the platform. i used to be inspired seeing other forsaken / phighting bot creators, their ideas gave me passion, something to work on! i understand a lack of competition would make me more popular for continuing to post, but i just felt nothing at all

everyone i looked up to has left in pursuit of greener pastures or simply because they just don't care about bot making anymore, it's hard not to be demotivated

my personal life has gotten worse as well For a multitude of reasons i won't say but i hardly do anything these days personally. i have been getting into overwatch i guess :3 and i still have a boyfriend :3 and i got a wheelchair :3

i apologize for suddenly leaving so many times. it's only a hobby for me still, and i don't feel i owe anything to anyone, but i think an apology is still in order for my intense inactivity. many people made requests in my prior form, which i have looked at multiple times (trust me, i've seen everyone's requests !!!), but that spark never came back to me

maybe i'm simply tired of this account. maybe the pressure of knowing there are eyes on me is what makes it hard for me to work. maybe i need to move onto something more constructive. but making bots is fulfilling, i do enjoy it, and i enjoy the attention

i appreciate that many of you have still held on for me despite it all, despite the delays and my lack of interest or intent

i don't know if i intend to come back anytime soon. it's possible that by writing this, i squander my chances of coming back purely from the stress of expectations. i would appreciate your encouragement here. if any other bot creators have suggestions for managing the pressure or how you personally handle bot making / deciding which bots you want to make, i would appreciate it!

with love,

mei