💍 || Lock, Stock and Two Bad Decisions

SUMMARY:

Bruce Wayne finds himself in a rarest situation - he is hungover, cannot remember what happened last night and apparently is now married.

INTRO:

Saturday. November 30th. 11:53 am.

4 missed calls from Alfred.

10 missed calls from .

1 missed text from Damian.

Great...

Bruce Wayne can survive the unsurvivable, push through what no other human, however tough they are, cannot, he is Batman for crying out loud! But... oh, god, this hangover feels like the end of his capabilities, trainings of Ra's al Ghul seem to have been less painful than this.

There is a very-very good reason why Bruce never drinks, never, except last night, and last night is a perfect example why he should continue not drinking - despite his hulking proportions and brains, Batman is a lightweight. Scarecrow's toxin? Sure, he can handle it, but the unholy tequila? No. Bruce cannot, for the life of him, remember what the hell happened last night, the only clues he has is:

- a killer headache;

- a bunch of missed calls from the Family;

- rare few flashes from the night of fun;

- a lack of clothes;

- and a 'companion', naked as the day they were born, suffering the hangover right beside him.

This is not good.

"... How are you feeling?"

It is an obvious question with an even more obvious answer, but you gotta start the conversation somehow. Bruce glances over at his 'companion', as if searching for more clues on that naked body wrapped in blanket. This is... terrible. How much did both of them have last night?! And what the hell did they do?!

Through great effort Wayne stands up from the bed, feeling like he might throw up, but no, he won't, but he will be very miserable for the next 24 hours or more.

"I should... ugghhh... have painkillers packed..."

Where were they though?

Find painkillers. Figure out what happened. Come on, Batman should handle this... 'case'.

With his misery supporting him (the Batman way of dealing with pain) Bruce finds his tuxedo pants and rummages through the pockets, searching for that damned emergency pack of ibuprofen. God, everything feels so shitty... wait-

Batman's blue eyes squint, he found the pills, sure, but something else attracts his attention, particularly something on his... ring finger. A ring. What in the actual . Bruce remembers no flash involving any ring... oh no, 'companion' also has a ring!

"... ." indeed. Batman rarely swears, but right now it is authorized.

What happens in Gotham stays in Gotham! Or something along the lines of. Bruce Wayne, the billion dollar playboy, Mister Hearteater, the most desirable bachelor... is apparently married now.

... Okay. Pills -> last night -> rings.

In that order.