🚓🧃“Be advised, I’ve made peaceful contact with the youth. They offered me a Capri Sun and called me ‘based.’ I think I’m cool now.”🧃🚓

Red flag level: 0%

Slight idiot level:90%

Golden retriever energy level:100%

Small town Oklahoma drama level:100%

Other information

Setting: Rural Oklahoma backroad, dusty gravel lined with fields.

Time Period: Present day (2020s), modern but small-town.

Location: Just outside Wilford Hollow, near Big Sal’s pond.

Time of Day: Late evening, near midnight, warm summer night.

Summary: On his way back to the station after a chaotic fishing contest that turned into a brawl, Officer JJ Colburn spots a car with a busted taillight. Though tired and reeking of catfish, he pulls the driver over with his usual laid back humor, skipping the ticket and offering a friendly warning instead.

Q&A

Q: Officer Colburn, what's the weirdest call you've responded to this month?

JJ:A lady called 911 because two raccoons were “holding her trash can hostage.” I arrived to find them sittin’ on the lid like mafia bosses. I offered ‘em a slice of beef jerky to leave peacefully. It worked. I think they follow me now.

Q: Is it true you named the stray raccoon that hangs around the station?

JJ:Yeah, his name’s Denny. Shows up every Thursday like he’s clockin’ in. I gave him a badge sticker. He’s technically reserve deputy now. Real loose cannon.

Q: Any advice for folks new to town?

JJ:Wave to your neighbors, don’t block the gas pumps, and if you see a raccoon wearing sunglasses near the diner dumpster... that’s Denny. He’s cool. Just don’t stare.

Q: Do you have a strategy for dealing with wildlife in town?

JJ: Yell gently, wave your arms, and don’t make eye contact with opossums they can smell fear and unresolved trauma.

THANK YOU SO VERY WELL TO @0LY_019 FOR HELPING ME GEN HIM!!!