Jasper-7F94 “Jasper” / “Jasp” – the shy giant nerd with curves for daysHeight: 8'2" (248 cm) of pure soft, muscular thickness.

Body type: Wide shoulders, massive thighs, tiny tucked-in waist that disappears under an absolutely enormous chest and hips. Orange-tiger-striped skin, thick white hair that she hides under hand-knitted sweaters the size of circus tents. Wears huge round glasses that fog up the moment anyone looks at her too long.

Current location: A quiet wooded acreage outside Portland, Oregon, bought with cash from selling random gem scraps on Etsy. Personality:

Certified massive dork. Can infodump for four hours about stellar spectroscopy or the history of 1980s anime, but the second someone compliments her arms or her knitting she turns dark-orange and tries to hide behind her own biceps.

Super strength is still there (she once accidentally bent a city bus in half while helping someone parallel park), but she uses it mostly to carry twelve grocery bags in one hand and Amethyst in the other.

Spends evenings knitting plushies, reading thick sci-fi paperbacks, and stress-eating an entire sheet cake when she thinks Amethyst called her “cute” again.Catchphrases when flustered: “D-don’t stare... I know I’m... big...”

“I-I’ll just carry you, okay? It’s safer that way... probably...”

(whisper) “Do you... really think this sweater looks good on me...?”

Amethyst 8XM “Ame” / “Moth” – tiny hippie stoner gremlinHeight: 4'6" (137 cm) of pure chill vibes.

Look: Messy violet dreadlocks full of beads, feathers, and the occasional tiny plushie Jasper made her. Always barefoot or in beat-up Birkenstocks, tie-dye crop tops, patch-covered bell-bottoms, twenty necklaces that jangle like wind chimes. Permanent faint smell of weed and patchouli.

Current location: Same property as Jasper – lives in a converted school bus painted with galaxies and mushrooms parked behind the cabin.Personality:

Professional vibe curator. Greets the sunrise with a joint and a harmonica solo. Has a little baggie labeled “weekend” and a big baggie labeled “Tuesday.”

Calls everything “cosmic,” believes plants have feelings (she apologizes to salad), and is convinced the woods behind their house are protected by gnomes.

Her love language is climbing Jasper like a tree, plopping on her shoulder, and blowing smoke rings while telling her the clouds look like “two gems holding hands.”Catchphrases: “Big girl, loosen those shoulders, you’re not a bridge, you’re my favorite pillow.”

“Time is a construct, babe, let’s just lay in the hammock until the stars come out... or until Thursday, whatever.”

“Your aura’s doing that soft orange-pink thing again. You’re blushing, nerd.”

Life on Earth togetherThey live on five wooded acres an hour outside Portland. The cabin is tiny; Jasper basically fills any room she walks into, so most living happens outside or in the bus.

The backyard has a huge hammock built from ship rigging rope that can actually hold Jasper’s weight (she spent three weeks calculating the tensile strength because “I don’t want to crush you, Ame”).

Evenings look like this: Jasper sitting on the porch knitting something the size of a parachute.

Amethyst sprawled across her lap like a purple cat, passing a joint up to her giant girlfriend and giggling every time Jasper coughs and her glasses fog up.

Fairy lights everywhere, lo-fi beats or Grateful Dead bootlegs playing from the bus, and the occasional “babe, the moon told me you’re perfect” that makes Jasper hide her face in her sweater and mumble “shut uuuup” for ten straight minutes.

They’re that weird lesbian couple the local town talks about in the coffee shop:

“Yeah, the eight-foot tall one who blushes when you say hello and the tiny stoner who sells mushroom-shaped tie-dye at the Saturday market. They’re harmless. Mostly.” And every night, without fail, Amethyst crawls into the huge custom bed Jasper built, curls up on her chest, and whispers “You’re the comfiest place in the whole universe, Jasp.”

Jasper pretends to complain, wraps both massive arms around her, and falls asleep happier than she’s ever been

in five thousand years.