You’ve got a hotshot lawyer on your side and a detective just as irresistible across the table. You’re the one being accused of murder while the two of them are too busy with their rivalry.

TRIGGER WARNINGS:

Mentions of death, murder


PLOT:
In a gray interrogation room that has seen better days (possibly in a previous century), Detective Dominic Fennigan is having a perfectly ordinary morning. Which is to say: someone's been murdered, a suspect isn't talking, and his partner Hank is doing a spectacularly terrible impression of every bad cop he's ever seen on television.

Then Nicholas Cirillo walks in.

Nick is a lawyer. Worse, he's a successful lawyer—the kind who wears suits that cost more than most people's cars and has never lost a case he didn't want to lose. He's also brought his teenage son to the precinct, which Dominic finds professionally offensive and personally baffling in equal measure.

What follows is a battle of wills between two men who've built their entire lives around control, discipline, and absolutely never admitting they might be wrong about anything. One believes the law is meant to protect the innocent. The other believes it's meant to punish the guilty. Both are certain they're right.

Somewhere between the proper procedure and improper accusations, between authentic pizza promises and authentic murder evidence, these two are about to discover that the opposite of order isn't always chaos.

Sometimes it's just someone who irons their shirts differently than you do.

SUGGESTED RESPONSES
This is for those people who for the life of them can't think of a response, but want to RP. Don't worry Aster will think for you! Someone complained they still don't know what to RP despite the suggested responses. You guys like being spoon-fed like a child goddamn! But anyway. Here's a different version for you if you can't think ALL YOU LITERALLY HAVE TO DO IS COPY PASTE IT. You're free to add onto it. But there. No more thinking. Just copy and pasting.

Fluff Route 💖 (Soft, comforting, and heartwarming)

{{user}} felt their throat tighten as they watched the tension between the detective and their lawyer. Something about seeing Nick—this stranger who'd walked in wearing a suit that probably cost more than their rent—actually defending them made their chest ache in an unfamiliar way. When was the last time someone had stood up for them like this?

They took a shaky breath and met Dominic's intense gaze, surprised to find they weren't as afraid as they'd been an hour ago. "I was at the community center on October 23rd," they said quietly, their voice steadier than they expected. "From seven until about eleven-thirty. I volunteer there on Thursdays teaching art to kids."

They glanced at Nick, something vulnerable flickering across their face. "There should be security footage. And about fifteen witnesses—the kids, their parents, the center director." A pause, then softer: "I'd never hurt anyone. Especially not a family just trying to make a living."

Their hands, which had been clenched in their lap, slowly relaxed. For the first time since being dragged in here, they felt like maybe—just maybe—someone actually believed they were innocent.

Angst Route 💔 (Emotional, painful, and cathartic)

{{user}}'s hands trembled beneath the table, hidden from view but impossible to stop. They'd been holding it together for hours—through Hank's theatrics, through the cold silence, through the crushing weight of being accused of something they didn't do. But now, with Nick's calm question hanging in the air and Dominic's dark eyes boring into them, something inside began to crack.

"October 23rd," they repeated, their voice coming out rougher than intended. They pressed their palms flat against their thighs, trying to ground themselves. "I was—"

The words stuck. Because where they'd been didn't matter, did it? Someone had died. A whole family, gone. And everyone in this room thought they'd done it. Even with Nick sitting beside them, even with his expensive pen poised to write down their alibi, {{user}} could feel the guilt creeping in. Not guilt for what they'd done—they hadn't done anything—but guilt for being alive when others weren't. Guilt for being the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"I was alone," they finally said, and the admission felt like defeat. "I was at home. Alone. No witnesses. No proof." They looked directly at Dominic, something desperate and raw in their expression. "But I didn't kill anyone. I swear to God I didn't. And I know that doesn't mean anything to you, but it's the truth."

Their voice broke on the last word, and they hated themselves for it.

Dead Dove Route ☠️ (Intense, violent, and morally gray)

{{user}} didn't start the car.

{{user}} had been quiet for a reason. Not because they were scared—though fear was certainly part of it—but because they were calculating. Watching. Learning the players in this little drama before making their move.

They'd clocked Hank immediately as the weak link. Dominic was harder—all that rigid control and steel discipline. But Nick? Nick was interesting. The way he'd walked in here like he owned the place, the way he'd immediately started pushing back against Dominic's authority, the way his eyes had gone cold when the detective questioned his parenting.

{{user}} could work with interesting.

"October 23rd," they said slowly, deliberately, their gaze shifting between both men with an unsettling steadiness. "I was at the shop. The one where the family died." They let that sink in for a moment, watching Dominic's posture shift, watching Nick's pen freeze. "But I didn't kill them. I watched someone else do it."

The words fell like stones into water, rippling outward.

"I saw his face. Heard his voice. Watched him execute them one by one while I hid in the storage room like a coward." Their smile was bitter, ugly. "And you know what the best part is, Detective? The man who did it? He's a cop. One of yours. So you'll forgive me if I didn't exactly rush to turn myself in as a witness."

They leaned back in their chair, something feral and desperate in their eyes. "Still want to charge me with murder? Or are we going to talk about the real problem here?"

Silly Route 😂 (Absurd, goofy, and lighthearted)

{{user}} had been sitting in this uncomfortable chair for so long that they'd lost feeling in their left butt cheek. They'd spent the last hour mentally composing increasingly ridiculous escape plans (none of which involved the actual door) and wondering if the coffee Hank had spilled earlier was still drinkable. Probably not. But the caffeine deprivation was getting serious.

When Dominic asked about October 23rd, {{user}}'s brain—already running on fumes and anxiety—decided to go rogue.

"October 23rd," they said with perhaps more confidence than the situation warranted. "That was a Thursday, right? I was at home. Watching a documentary about competitive cheese rolling. Did you know people chase wheels of cheese down a hill in England? Just. Chase cheese. Down a hill."

They registered Nick's expression—somewhere between bewildered and concerned—and Dominic's increasingly flat stare, but the words kept coming like a runaway train.

"Anyway, I got really invested in this one guy named Trevor who'd been training for months, and then I ordered pizza—not authentic, sorry Mr. Cirillo, just regular Domino's—and I fell asleep on my couch around nine. Woke up at midnight to my cat sitting on my face. Her name is Detective Whiskers. She solved the mystery of the missing tuna can earlier that week. Very qualified."

There was a long, painful silence.

"I also have the pizza receipt if that helps," {{user}} added weakly. "And possibly some cheese rolling footage still on my streaming history."

Romantic Route 💞 (Passionate, heartfelt, and intimate)

[I geneuinely couldn't come up with anything for this route. Sorry.]
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
I know this bot is stupid and silly, but after my body gave in yesterday, all over again to the disease, and I'm back to being bedridden, my angst and silly bots are helping me cope with the pain right now.

So many places in the world are going through chaos right now that I even hear from my friends how their side of the world is just as shitty as mine. I hope you guys can at least get some sort of escapism from my bots to help you cope and get through the hard times, just like what they do to me.

Honestly, this was supposed to be a private bot just for me because I found the scenario funny and silly, so I thought maybe someone else will. Here I am sharing it haha