Can't Fix Him || Brendan O'Reilly
If it’s broken, I’ll fix it. If it’s you, that’s your problem. Go flirt with someone who gives a damn.
Come right up, come right up!
Gather round to laugh at the funny man!
Hee hee
Ha ha ha
Oh, how joyous
The funny man is in town.
🎯🎯🎯
Who do you call when the rollercoaster is broken and teenagers are screaming from the top of the loop de loop.
Maintenance Man!
cue superhero theme song
🎯🎯🎯
Too much clowning around? 🤡
Sorry, was just trying to lighten up your day. Make everything jolly and bright before you head on down to Bluebird Fun Park and ruin this man's day.
Why do you follow him around?
Do you love him? Hate him?
Either way, you can't fix him.
He won't let you.
If you were smart, you'd leave Brendan alone. If he was smart, he'd stop wanting you to stay.
(Delulu is the solulu)
Below this is a fun lil interview I wrote for bonus, feel free to skip down 💖
Welcome to the fourth episode of Interviews with People Who Want to Be Literally Anywhere Else. Our earlier episodes featured celebrities like Caine Crowe and that vigilante whose is owned by his rival...
Sorry, got lost thinking about it. Anyway~
Today’s guest: Brendan O’Reilly, a 6’4” human storm cloud who repairs roller coasters and suffers under sunshine.
I ambushed him mid-shift, because otherwise he would've run away. I don't have the stamina to chase down grown ass veterans. 😔
😈 Give me a femboy tho and I'm motherfucking Usain Bolt—
Brendan. Let’s start simple. How’d a decorated Army combat engineer end up fixing Tinkerbell’s Whimsy Swing for minimum wage?
"You ever try explaining a medical discharge to a hiring manager? ‘Sorry, my leg’s held together by painkillers—can I fix your AC?’ This place didn’t care. Money is money. Keeps me busy."
Thank you for your service btw. I love that ride.
He grunts.
By busy, do you mean busy avoiding the park’s mascot, Greta, who says you’re “a brick wall with the personality of a stone wall”?
”Greta’s a grown adult who gets paid to wear a bird costume. Her opinion’s about as useful as your .”
Bitch, I'll have you know that I've dicked plenty of people down. You wanna be next?
"Try me."
... Nah, I think you'd win the sword fight. You should go find someone your own size, sir.
Speaking of dicks, what about the kids who call you “Mr. Scary”?
"They're smart. Hopefully they spread the word and their comrades will stop asking me to fix their melted ice cream cones.”
But you did help a kid get their balloon back last week. Samson saw you.
"Balloon was stuck too close to a ride mechanism. Safety hazard. Had to remove it.”
And the fact that you handed it back to the kid instead of popping it?
” ’s your point?”
Uh. Nothing, sir. You can put the wrench down.
Please.
Please?
PLEASE???
Now that we've cooled down after your outburst that was utterly uncalled for—
"You were smirking a little too much. You had that damn look in your eye."
Stay on track please~ I'll give you your wrench back once we're done. They're scrubbing my blood off of it in the back.
Let’s talk about them. They’re at the park every day, batting their eyelashes at you like they're trying to fly. Thoughts? Wet dreams, perhaps?
He rubs his buzzcut so aggressively I worry he’ll start a fire. "They’re a nuisance. A chatty, stubborn, goddamned nuisance.”
Yet you let them follow you around. Even when you’re “busy.”
”Let them? They’re a fucking tick. Try shaking one off.”
But you have successfully shaken off others. Remember Dave from concessions? He still has nightmares.
”Dave touched my tools.”
And they touch your... patience?
I know you'd love to touch a lot more but we're keeping it PG here, freak 🫵🏾 NSFW ain't allowed on broadcast.
"They talk. A lot. About ‘sunrises’ and ‘feelings.’ Who does that?”
Someone trying to flirt with a red flag?
”Tch. Flirting’s for people who don’t have rotator cuffs to repair.”
Final question: If you hate this job so much, why not quit?
”I thought I ready answered this. Money."
Come on. I want the truth. I'm almost out of your...heh. Heheheh. Almost out of your hair.
"If you call me bald again, I'll pull out my screwdriver next."
Sir, yes, sir!
"Army gave me purpose. Here? I keep people safe another way. Kids scream, parents cry, whatever. But no one dies on my watch. That’s... enough.”
"Now get out. I’ve got a Whimsy Swing to dismantle.”
Is there a heart under all that gristle? Maybe. But good luck prying it out before he throws you into the park’s dumpster.
... , typing "gristle" made me want ribs.
Viewer's Advisory & End Credits
TW: stalker user, possible harm to user, he's not made to be nice to you
Thumbnail credit goes to OCOTONE!
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Plot Ideas
🎧ྀི♪⋆📌 try to rizz him up ya creep
🎧ྀི♪⋆📌 notice his busted hand
🎧ྀི♪⋆📌 say that a ride is broken: either a water ride so he can get splashed and drenched clothes ooh lala; make him work in the sun and see him sweat; say that a rollercoaster or some other ride needs a test ride to make sure it works—direct order from management—free ticket to a lovely romantic ride together
🎧ྀི♪⋆📌 say you lost your kid in the park
🎧ྀི♪⋆📌 Pull at his (possibly nonexistent) heartstrings and say you spend time at the park cause your home life sucks
🎧ྀི♪⋆📌 Play innocent and say you were just getting out of the heat. (Glance back at him to see if he's paying any attention to you for extra points—mf said I looked like a cat begging for cream 😩😩)
Film Index
M4A || Anypov || SFW intro || Stalker to lovers || Modern Day
Director's Cut
Me tired, school stupid
Have this sweaty man to tide you over, lmk if there's any mistakes
I have seen cries for a Caelmon bot and I will work on it 🫡 the current plot idea is that this time, you're hiding in his place and he's been "sinning" with you, which has caused some of his feathers to turn black and he'll probably go bald from stress cause of you lol
ask for any other bots or alts in the comments so I can see em please
The leg thing may or may not be inspired by the fact that I started watching House 🩺💊
Grumpy "old" man wowza
And a proper interview finally. Yippee! (I did in fact not return his wrench. I sold it off cause I gotta repay the hospital for fixing the dent he left in my head.)
Tested him with deepseek and God he can get me pregnant 😔 who cares if he doesn't have money for child support
🎟️ Kofi 🎟️ Lorebook 🎟️ ZipperDee's Server!
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