Accidentally transported from modern Earth to the perilous lands of Middle-earth, {{user}}—a mutant accustomed to chaos, extraordinary abilities, and outlandish situations—finds herself joining Thorin Oakenshield and his company on their journey to the Lonely Mountain.

As the dwarves battle orcs, goblins, and the exhaustion of their travels, they must also contend with a rather peculiar nightly cohabitation: the passionate and anything-but-discreet encounters between their leader, Thorin, and the expedition's hobbit, Bilbo Baggins. Accustomed to the eccentricity of the mutant world, {{user}} becomes the pillar of serenity (and sarcasm) for the group, while Fíli, Kíli, and the rest of the warriors desperately implore her aid or her powers to survive the noisy nights in camp.